Life: age perspective

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My life has been rather consumed with a good bit of activity and distractions lately. I’m sure it was noticeable, with the downward spiral of the frequency of my posts. Valentine’s Day came and went, and I never got to post my thoughts on the Love Day so many people in the world seem to enjoy. Of course Valentine’s Day isn’t the highlight of February for me, as my birthday is just a day after it, on the 15th. Its pretty fun to have such a celebration right after the day of love, though it always means there is a bit of franticness involved with it. The actual day seems to never quite live up to its expectation, but its always full of good fun, and the weekend following it is generally a whirlwind of shopping and partying, and enjoying the new age I find myself.

I tend to lose myself in my thoughts around my birthday though. Whether in thoughts about the complexities of getting older, or just the thoughts and memories I’ve had in the past year of my previous age. It always seemed a bit mysterious to me that I was suddenly a year older on the 15th day of February. And on the birthdays that the difference one year can make is pronounced, such as obtaining a license, or being able to vote or consume alcohol legally, it’s just even more apparent to me that our age affects our role in society and our lives greatly. Being older is always looked forward to when you’re young, then when you start actually getting to a certain point it reverses and you wish to be younger again. They say you should enjoy your youth while you can. To enjoy the care-free innocence that comes with being a child, or a teenager, before the weight of reality and life seems to hit you. I agree, but I think every year and age throughout our lives should be enjoyed. Being young though, you lack that freedom and the ability to please yourself through your own choices, so you await that age when you can go forth and experience what you want, to enjoy what you can freely. It starts when you’re a teenager, and builds until you’re in college, and you suddenly feel that freedom.

The teen years always seemed the most stressful to me, even when I was a child it was apparent to me. I noticed it was a time that people identified themselves more as individuals, and as people, finding their place in society, while also coming to terms with their bodies and their thoughts. Going through the stresses of school and social situations unique to the age and fighting the control of parents and teachers, that was what met most teenagers. Of course it was also a wondrous time of growth and sexual awakening too, with budding emotions and the first time exploration that accompanied them. “Oh the memories~” right? Bursting out of high school and into college is kind of a stepping stone in life, just as much as going through the teenage experiences are.

Somehow I managed to find myself in a unique position though, and I skipped through most typical teenage experiences, and experienced my own experiences unique to me and my life. Of course everyone’s experiences are unique to them, but my life took a bit of a different turn from the societal norm. I’m an intelligent person so school was never a challenge, but my health was, and I missed quite a bit of school due to it. Eventually I just ended up home schooled because I couldn’t handle dealing with the stresses of trying to constantly catch up with what I’d missed while being out with my disease. I also ended up teaching myself the few things left I didn’t know. During this time I expanded my knowledge and my mind exponentially; devouring book after book, teaching myself new languages and skills, creating art, exploring my writing capabilities, listening to and creating music, delving into a world of imagination, and biding my time until the summer when I could travel and experience what my life had to offer me. Summer was the time of real growth though, emotional growth. Personal growth.

I gradually developed my own identity, though a bit more rapidly than my friends in school because I was constantly pushing myself in new directions, and delved into new experiences. New depths within my reality opened, and I found my primary perception of reality changing, as I opened my mind to philosophy, knowledge, and the experience of love. I fell in love so deeply when I was 16 I wasn’t sure I’d ever see reality the same way with someone else I cared for so deeply in it…and I haven’t. My view of reality changed that day in June when I met that person, and I think it might show through in my writing even now. I’m not going to cover the depth of that relationship now, but I’ll devote a post to it in the future. I’ve moved on though…and fallen in love with others since then, but I don’t think that the love I feel for the first to ever grace me with those experiences and emotions will ever die. But I wouldn’t want them to. I’ll hold on to these feelings and these memories as I grow older and older, year after year, 15th of February after 15th of February. Thats life isn’t it?

~ by Silence on February 18, 2008.