In the Silence

I’ve been dealing with a few things recently. The first has been about my schedule, my sleeping habits. I stay up later and later, seeing dawn come and go before I gently drift off to sleep. I’ll sleep for a few hours, and wake to do what needs to be done for the day, before settling back in and enjoying the night again. Its been suggested to me that if I didn’t make a conscious effort to sleep, I’d just keep progressively staying up later and later, until eventually I’d be back on a “normal schedule”. It’s even been encouraged a few times, that this might be an easier way than trying to go to sleep earlier and earlier, as a solution to this “problem” of mine. Of course I don’t buy this for a minute. It isn’t that I have a problem, but I don’t have a reason not stay up. This is my normal schedule, as is indicated by this blog. I’m most aware and “awake” during the hours when only light in the sky is the moon and the splash of stars, and I enjoy this time more than any other. I’ve always been this way, and now that I’m free enough to actively practice this joy of mine without sacrificing any of my responsibilities, I’m fully embracing it. Now as the seasons steadily change, and summer approaches, I’m sure I’ll make my natural progression back into being awake more during the day. This is of course only so I can do the things I love to do during the summer. Hiking, swimming, spending time outside, or contemplating the memories of times gone by. It’s something to look forward to anyway.

The second has concerned my attempts at writing posts and organizing my thoughts. I’ve written many posts recently, though I’ve only finished one of those. Some of them were abandoned, some were saved and consequently revisited without success. And the one that was finished…I just couldn’t post it. Mostly for personal reasons…I’m not ready to post it yet. It’ll be posted eventually though, hopefully one day soon. I’ve begun just not to worry about thinking about my posts, instead focusing my attention on my hobbies and other thoughts, though I still come back to the keyboard in an effort to express myself. As my thoughts have become more contemplative recently, I’ve been writing increasingly thoughtful posts, and a few erotic stories, but those are dutifully being revised. I’ve been reading copiously as of late, absorbing myself in novels one after another, and taking my mind off of things. I recently finished a wonderful nonfiction work, Henry and June, from the diaries of Anais Nin, who some may recognize as a prolific erotic author. I’ve also been reading some of H.P. Lovecraft’s stories, and some fantastic science fiction from Arthur C. Clarke, and William Gibson [Pattern Recognition is an AMAZING novel]. Aside from that I think I’m addicted to the Professor Layton and The Curious Village game for the Nintendo DS, as the puzzles have even started to appear in my dreams.

Which brings me to the last thing, my dreams. My dreams have also been much more intense recently, whether from my reading, my thoughts, or my emotional state, and have started to occupy my thoughts during my time spent awake as well. For days I’ve had dreams that are lengthy, detailed, abstract, thematic, and most of all, connected. Its really be strange, and slightly overwhelming when I wake up. I’d love to make sense of them. Perhaps I’ll end up chronicling them. I’ve toyed with the idea, and with transforming them into a written collection of stories. Though I couldn’t honestly say anyone would find them enjoyable or entertaining, as they’re mostly a collection of darkly inclined pieces of unique mental art. Though I’m sure it would be genuinely enjoyable to remember them, and delicately write them down. So I may just start doing that, as well as writing down more of my written works, aside from erotica and poems. I know some of my readers are only here because of those delicious stories I’ve written. So I suppose my writing and thoughts at least appeals to people’s erotic sensibilities. Perhaps thats an indication of something… human nature perhaps?

~ by Silence on February 29, 2008.